D-Day

My due date. February 12. I honestly cannot believe I am still pregnant. I really thought that with this third child, my body would know what to do, be in tune with MY desires, and be early. Seriously, if you would have told me a month ago that on Feb 12, I'd still be pregnant, I'm not sure I would have survived the news. I do not know why, but this pregnancy has just been rough for me emotionally. I am trying to enjoy these last few days, but instead just find myself questioning why God is having me wait. And wait. And wait. I am doing a terrible job of trusting in His timing.

Plus, my sister left for a week in Hawaii this morning. Why couldn't I have delivered her new niece/nephew while she was here this past week? Why, why, why? Last week, I felt like at the end of each day, I could recognize a gift God had given me that He wanted me to have before the baby came. This week...I don't know...I feel like everything is done. I don't need anything more than to deliver this baby. But I had the thought that maybe God is waiting on ME to do something. Last week at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), we were asked if there was a Biblical truth we have "learned" this year but have not yet put into practice. I looked through my notes from the past year, and found one: I have a testimony. Am I willing to share it? Well, here's a bit of it...

This past Christmas, Ed surprised me with the most wonderful gift a wife could ever ask for. If you know our story, you know that Ed has never been a believer. When we got engaged, of course we discussed the differences in our beliefs. Ed promised to always accompany me to church and to raise our children in the faith should anything ever happen to me. Rather naively, I thought this was good enough. I figured that...I don't know...through osmosis or something, being around Christians in my family, friends, and church, would naturally lead him to believe as well. Well, 10 years of marriage later, 12 years of being together, and that had not happened. I was always grateful for his support in my faith, but this fundamental difference between us was difficult, to say the least.

So after opening presents with our family of 4, we were sitting around eating pizza. Ed told me he had one more gift for me, but wasn't sure how to give it to me, so he was just going to tell me about it. Oh no - what did Ed, the big spender, do this year? "I've decided to become a Christian," he said. Tears, thanksgiving, shock, questions from the kids... It was amazing, and continues to be as we enter into new conversations and an intimacy we have never shared. And because of God's perfect timing, a few weeks later, as I was questioning why God waited 12 years to claim Ed, I learned at BSF that God's delays are not denials. They are for His glory. I was never quick to tell others that Ed was not a Christian, and allowed most people to assume he was since he was always at church with me. Truth be told, I was a little ashamed for not obeying God's instructions to believers to marry other believers. But through the years, through Ed's honesty (always), and with my sharing it occasionally, more and more people prayed for Ed. Maybe once. Maybe many times. One friend shared that not a month before I told her of Ed's decision, and after knowing herself for 5+ years, she had decided to share Ed's story with her daughter and had committed to praying with her for Ed's salvation. And a few weeks later, I was sharing with her that Ed had become a Christian. I should have told more people. But I am grateful that whoever was involved in praying for Ed received this answer to prayer. I know that my faith and that of many others' was strengthened in receiving this answer to prayer. So would I have chosen for Ed to become a believer 12 years ago? Yes. But I know that in having us wait, God was glorified and the blessing was greater than if the years of waiting and sharing had not happened. After all, I'm now sharing this "testimony" on my blog, right?

So why am I again having to wait for something I want so badly? I don't know. Maybe God wanted our family to have one more week together with just the 4 of us; maybe He wanted Ed and I to enjoy one more date night (which we did); maybe the baby needs more time to develop; maybe God just wanted me to think about Him a little more this week and to share something of my relationship with Him here on my blog. I may never know the reason, but I trust that this "delay" (in my mind, it was a delay though I know I'm hardly overdue) will also be for His glory.

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18